-
One Second
I heard an interesting fact today: it only takes one second after meeting a person to decide if you are attracted to them. One second. It is literally a scientific fact. That’s insane! But the more I think about it, the more I understand. We all do it. We see someone new and automatically we know whether or not it’s someone we could take an interest in.
But what if in that one second you decide that we aren’t attracted to that person? Can that opinion ever change?
This goes back to the whole “he/she’s just not that into you” conversation. If you’re not into someone, you’re just not into someone. That’s not going to change. You can’t make someone like you if there is no attraction there.
I spent most of my teenage years agonizing over this fact. There were those high school crushes that never liked me back. If only I had figured this out earlier I would have spent less time doodling boy’s names on my textbooks and more time reading them.
Being in my 20’s now, I still see everyone around me wondering the best way to make someone like them. The exact question I got from a friend the other day: “How do I make him like me?” I refused to sugar coat it and tell her what she wanted to hear. I bluntly replied “you can’t.” If the attraction is not there, it never will be.
Ladies, this goes for us too and we need to accept it. How many dates have you gone on thinking your feelings might change? It’s ridiculous! You shouldn’t try to make yourself feel things that you don’t. It’s not fair to the guy and it’s not fair to you. I try not to lead a guy on if I know I’m not attracted to him. What’s the point? I get the “but he’s such a nice guy” comments from my friends. But if I’m not into it, I’m not going to put myself through that. Yeah he could be a good boyfriend, but I bet he’d be just as good of a friend.
-
Unnecessary Tuesday 5-17-11
It’s Tuesday that means it’s time to find out what was just unnecessary this week…
Heels at a concert… Who thinks that’s a good idea? I was at a show over the weekend and there were so many young girls in heels it blew my mind. How is that comfortable? Why would you think it’s a good idea? Do you think Enrique Iglesias or someone is going to look down from the stage and thing “WOW look at those heels, I must have her”? I will admit that once when I was young and stupid I wore heels to a Britney Spears concert. I only lasted 5 minutes before they were off. I want to be able to dance freely to live music and not be in pain. This summer I am going to see my favorite group several times and I am planning each outfit to be extremely comfortable. No heels thank you very much!
Couples in matching outfits… I mean seriously? Even if you’re getting pictures done, it looks so lame. I saw an older couple wearing matching sweaters and hats at Disneyland a few weeks back and had a hard time keeping my mouth shut. Sometimes an older couple can get away with some stuff, but even that is pushing it a little too far. Remember when Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake wore matching jeans outfit to some award show back in the day? Yeah that was LAME! Don’t do it couples. Especially matching Hawaiian prints. Bring the kids in and it’s just one giant mess.
Dogs at the mall… What’s the point of bringing your dog shopping? Does he help you pick out shoes? I’m guessing no so leave the animal at home. I’ve seen ladies pushing their dogs around in a stroller. How is that necessary? I bet the dog would rather be at home enjoying a nap on the couch instead of watching you go through a rack at Forever 21 trying to find a perfect top.
Arnold… self explanatory.
-
Dating ADD
I swear sometimes my friends hate me. Their exact words: “God, I can’t keep up with what you want. It’s giving me whiplash.” These sentences have been said to me more than once when I talk about what I want in men. Some call my steady shift of desire a form of commitment phobia, I call it my Dating ADD.
Let me explain. One week I’ll want a nice guy, the next I’ll want the asshole. This month I want something casual, next I might want a relationship. I have a short attention span when it comes to men. I quickly get bored by one guy and move on to the next. This drives my friends nuts. They think I should have one idea of what I want and stick with it, at least for more than a couple weeks.
Now I will admit my wants and needs for a relationship probably change more than the average person. But doesn’t everyone adapts his or her ideas as their situation changes? If you say that you’ve known since childhood what you want in a relationship and haven’t turned away from that idea then you’re crazy. What you want is never really what you’ll end up with. If you go out looking for that perfect guy or girl with everything you ever wanted, you’ll end up alone forever. The perfect person doesn’t exist.
I read an article the other day on how Match.com finds people love. Even they know that your preferences aren’t really that important. You know those giant surveys you filled out when you joined the site where you stated that you wanted to meet a brunette that’s never been married? They throw those out. They actually base your matches on people that you check out after you start searching around. People that say they want a partner with no kids might end up in a happy relationship with someone that has two. They have to be doing something right because 1 in 5 relationships now start from an online dating site, and most of them are from Match.com.
So maybe my dating ADD isn’t annoying, it’s an advanced form of thinking. Constantly changing my mind and expectations leaves me open to more opportunities. I’m more open to changing my mind than others might be, even when I say I’m not.
By the way, the current want is a hot cop interested in a couple dates with no relationship expectations. Preferably one that also plays the guitar. Thanks.
-
Welcome to Unnecessary Tuesdays!
Is it just me, or are Tuesdays completely unnecessary? I really think it may be the worst day of the week. I hear your argument for Mondays and I understand, but let’s consider the fact that we sometimes get a relief from Mondays because of some beautiful holiday. Then Tuesday turns into Monday. We never get a break from Tuesdays. Tuesday morning I wake up, most of the time thinking it’s Wednesday, and then let out a exasperated sigh knowing that I still have may hours to wait till the weekend. I really think that is why CDs and DVDs are released on Tuesday. Hollywood wants to get a nice little escape from the worst day of the week.
And don’t try and tell me Wednesdays are worse because any day referred to HUMP day can’t be all that bad.
Now because Tuesdays are so unnecessary I feel it would be therapeutic for me to use that day to explore other things that I believe are not needed. Because let’s face it we see and hear things every day that make us rack our brains to find some rational reason for, to no avail.
#1 Couples that make-out in odd places: for example, the car wash. What is so romantic about a car wash? There is a time and place for that and it’s not at the car wash. Now don’t think that it’s the cynical single in me saying this, it’s the rational human being in me. Even when I’m with someone, I never feel the need for PDA is weird places. I would never make-out at the gym, car wash, mall, or any other place that didn’t evoke romance. Save it for the romantic dinner people!
#2 Parents that keep their children on leashes. I understand it can be hard to keep a child near you in a crowded place, but here is a novel idea: BE A GOOD PARENT! I see these parents all the time at Disneyland and wonder how they could treat their child like a bad dog. It’s not just unnecessary, it’s disgusting. You should take the time and work with your child to listen to what when you tell them to stay close to you. And guess what, they’re children, they’re gonna run off. Just keep an eye out and run after them when they do. Using a leash is just lazy.
#3 Teenagers wearing tutus in public. I was hoping this would just be a passing fad but unfortunately it’s sticking around. Now they are adding tiaras and costume jewelry. These girls have to be around 14 or 15 and still dress like a Disney princess. That is only cute till you’re about 9, even then it’s pushing it. And who are these parents that are allowing this? I would never let my daughter out of the house if she was dressed like that. Grow up and start wearing low-cut shirts, at lease that I understand.
#4 Guys that check themselves out at the gym. Guess what boys, we see what you’re doing and it’s not attractive. In fact, nothing is less attractive than a guy checking himself out in the mirror. Don’t lift up your shirt to see your abs, you’re not the Situation and let’s be honest you don’t want to be.
-
SHE’S Just Not That Into You
“He’s just not that into you.” I’ll never forget Jack Burger saying those words to Miranda on Sex and the City and the light-bulb that finally went on after. It was a concept so simple that we as women couldn’t believe we didn’t think of it ourselves. There had to be some other reason he didn’t come upstairs. But alas, it was all because “he’s just not that into you.” The idea was so revolutionary that it spawned a national bestselling book and a short-lived talk show, hosted by the man that betrayed his gender and wrote the truth for all of us to see.
I have come today to bring that revolution back to the boys, cause guess what: SHE’S just not that into you. Apparently you guys are just as confused as we are as to when a girl is digging you that turn into moments of self-doubt and insecurity.
Case in point:
Last Friday night I got a call at 9:30 from a male friend who needed a female opinion. Let’s look past the fact that I was home alone at 9:30 on a Friday night, and discuss the date in question. It was with a woman introduced to him by a family member. They had been talking and texting for weeks and had finally managed to meet up. The original plan was for the family member to join them, but a last minute change left them alone.
The date started out understandably awkward, just as any other blind date might. Conversations that had come so easily on the phone, seemed to stalled and uncomfortable in person. When it came time for drink orders, he got wine and she ordered iced tea. Throughout dinner they talked, but she wasn’t as enthusiastic as she was in text messages. After dinner he asked her if she wanted to get ice cream, her answer “no I need to get home.” They had a quick hug before she got in her car and drove away.
“Was she into me?”
My mind immediately went back to a date I went on three years prior. He was a bouncer at my favorite bar that I had given my number to after one too many drinks. I had originally written the number down for a waiter that I had been flirting with, but he had left for the night. So the number went into the hand of the bouncer that had been friendly with us the several times we had been there. We chatted via text message for a couple weeks until we made plans to meet at a Mexican restaurant for dinner. You should know that I LOVE margaritas, like I would have one every night if it wasn’t for the outrageous amount of calories they contained. But when I got to the restaurant and sat down to eat, I didn’t want a single drop and ordered Diet Coke instead. The dinner was awkward to say the least, and when he suggested taking a walk down the street to Pinkberry, I declined.
The reason: I was just not that into him.
So, I was honest with my friend. “She’s just not that into you.”
Then came the inevitable questions: “What changed? Am I not good-looking? What did I do wrong?” I felt like I was talking to one of my female friends. That’s when it hit me.
Men and women are the same! We have the same insecurities and fears when it comes to dating. We don’t want to hear that someone just didn’t like us; we want to know that there is some other reason that a date could end so abruptly. The signs are all there; we just don’t want to see them.
As women, we constantly complain that the guy’s moves are shrouded in mystery. But the truth is that the clues are as clear as day. Ladies, I hate to tell you but we are harder to figure out then men. We have so many games and tricks we play that a guy has a hard time telling what is up and down.
For example, let’s go back to my friend. Not long after he got home from his date (before 9:30 by the way, an obvious sign that the date had not gone that well), he received a text message from the female. “Sorry I was a little weird. Will be better next time.” This only encouraged him to speculate on what she was actually feeling. But guess what…. I sent the same exact text message to the bouncer. I never saw him again.
The need to make others feel better is instinctive to a woman. In fact, there is an actual hormone that is more present in a woman’s body, called oxytocin, which makes us want to nurture others, sometimes at the expense of ourselves. So in the above situation, we wanted to make sure the man didn’t think less of himself after the obvious send-off. Therefore, the reassuring text message was sent so the ego wouldn’t be bruised. Hell, she might actually call my friend back and see him again so that she won’t feel like a total bitch. But it won’t last. When you’re not into someone, you’re not into someone. It’s just the way it goes.
I can see how all that can be confusing to a man and make him think that she might be into him. Both men and women should try and put themselves in each other’s shoes. If you acted in the way your date did, would it be a sign that you were into them? Chances are it’s not.
Of course the dating world would be so much easier if everyone just said what they felt. But then what would us ladies talk about over cocktails with our friends?
-
Chasing a Fairytale
While burning calories at the gym yesterday and reading my Newsweek I came across a disturbing article about “Harry Hunters.” This is not a reference to Hogwarts, but another British phenomenon where desperate woman are seeking out one person. Prince Harry. These aren’t just British woman, but many American women are spending their parent’s money on extended vacations and parties in hopes that they will catch the prince’s eye. Why is it about marrying a prince that has so many women spellbound?
It all goes back to those fairytales we grew up with. The handsome prince meets the poor peasant and turns her into her into a beautiful princess. Cinderella was nothing until that prince put a slipper on her foot. The naïve Snow White sang “someday my prince will come” knowing he would drag her out of her sad reality. Belle had some promise. She was the one that changed the Beast into a human being. Yet, she was a victim of fairytales herself, waiting for the day that a prince would love her and turn her into a princess.
Why do we want so bad to be a princess? While the gowns and tiaras all look nice, it’s the ultimate form of validation that draws us in. From a young age we are taught that we need a man to validate our existence. The ultimate man: a prince. Everyday, everything we do is geared toward that ultimate goal of getting married to the perfect man.
Why do we need a man to make us complete? Can’t we be complete on our own? Men aren’t constantly looking for that one woman to make them complete. The only thing they need a woman for is a short romp in the hay. They don’t spend every moment of their lives in hopes that they find “the one.” Yet that’s what woman do. The hours at the gym, the money spent on clothes, spending every last second to look perfect, it’s all in hopes of finding a husband. All we want is that fairytale.
I’m not claiming to not subscribe to those fantasies myself. I’ve had the moments when I see a gorgeous man and imagine the perfect wedding, marriage, children and life. It’s what we women do, it’s how we are wired. But then I see him checking out the chick with the giant chest and I come crashing down to reality.
How is my life more complete with a man in it? Why can’t I be complete on my own? That should be the ultimate goal, finding happiness on your own. Then if you find someone you like enough to spend more than a couple weeks with, great! But we should be happy on our own first.
Of course the tiara would be nice…
-
WINNING!
I would like to thank the warlock Charlie Sheen for re-introducing us to the word “winning.” No longer will it be used just to describe the current status of a sporting event. Now we can use “winning” to falsely give recognition to those that are currently sucking in life. For example: I am currently unemployed, single, and mooching meals off my parents. Most might think that this is reason to call me a loser, but not Charlie. Charlie would say I am WINNING!
In honor of Mr. Sheen here are more reasons why I am WINNING:
- I don’t have to get up at a certain time in the morning. In fact, I don’t have to get up at all if I don’t want to. Spending all day in bed: WINNING!
- I don’t have to go to bed by any time. In fact I don’t have to go to bed at all which may also cause the above spending all day in bed thing. WINNING!
- When I do decide to wake up and make myself coffee I use cream and sugar stolen from my grandparents hotel room. WINNING!
- I canceled my Direct TV in order to save money so instead I get to watch “Road Dogs” on Netflix through my Wii. Over $100 a month for Direct versus $10 for Netflix. WINNING! (BTW “Chase” is available instantly through Netflix, I know Charlie would think that is WINNING!)
- I can procrastinate about going to the gym all day and then at 7pm decide that I really don’t need to go at all this week because I am starting a diet and its hard to start two things in 1 week. WINNING!
- Going to the bank and the post office in one day is a major accomplishment. WINNING!
- Currently enjoying the fact that my bird has a full bowl of food because otherwise I would have to walk all way to my car to get the birdseed to refill his bowl. WINNING!
- Getting the “let’s just be friends” talk on Match.com before actually meeting: WINNING!
- I can tell you where on Main Street USA in Disneyland has recently been repaved and where it will be repaved in the next couple months. WINNING!
- My best friend and I are planning a trip to Canada this summer, but not for sightseeing. We are going to Canada for the sole purpose of seeing NKOTBSB. WINNING!
- Looking into adding a side trip to Boston before coming back to Los Angeles to see their show at Fenway Park. HELLO New Kids are from Boston, its going to be a WINNING show!
- I really have no money to be planning this trip and we will be seeing them in Los Angeles, Anaheim and Las Vegas but I don’t care. WINNING!
- I have time to make long annoying lists that really do nothing but cure my boredom for a few minutes. WINNING!
-
Damn You Married Men!
All married men should be wearing a shirt at all times warning the desperate single women of the county of their status. Nothing is more unfair than when a cute guy mentions their wife after chatting it up for 15 minutes. Just when a girl starts thinking “wow, this guy is cute, nice and is totally into me” BOOM it’s the wife bomb!
Let me take you there…
A cute man in front of me in line made my Monday afternoon trip to the post office a little more interesting in. He was nice, a little ruff around the edges with tattoos, just my type. We chatted about the weather while waiting with several other annoyed patrons. I flipped my hair and cocked my head with a smile (these are time tested flirting techniques people!). Jokes were made and the conversation turned to travel. Then…
BOOM the wife bomb!
“This one time when me and my wife went to Ireland…”
Are. You. Serious?
How dare you make me waste my precious hair flipping time when you are married! If you are a married man you shouldn’t even be talking and joking with a single girl. It’s unfair to make me think you’re interested when you won’t be backing it up with a dinner invite. I understand marriage has bored you but please try golfing to spice up your dull life and leave us poor single girls alone.
-
Challenge Time!!!
This weekend I will answer the age-old question, can you do all the rides in Disneyland in one day?
Now I know what you’re saying “she’s officially gone crazy” and I have to agree with you, but hear me out. I’m unemployed, bored and need a project to work on.
It all started three weeks ago during a usual Disneyland discussion with my little brother. Yes, we have Disneyland conversations a lot. (If you didn’t think I was crazy before I am sure you are thinking it now.) We were talking about the possibility of doing all the rides in the park in one day. Our mother chimed in and said it couldn’t be done. My unemployed ears perked up and I turned into Barney Stinson.
Challenge extended.
Challenge excepted!
Neil Patrick Harris would be so proud. (He’s a giant Disneyland fan.)
So for the last three weeks my little brother and I have been planning on how this can be done. We even talked about it while on the family vacation in Hawaii, causing all family members to roll their eyes.
Sunday will be the day.
Why Sunday when locals generally fill the park to the brim trying to get their Mickey fix before work starts again? I’m unemployed, why not do it during a slower Wednesday? My answer: what’s the point of doing something if you’re going to take the easy way out? It’s a CHALLENGE!!!! Go big or go home!
The park is open at 8 and stays open till 11 which gives us more time, most weekdays they only open at 10 and close at 8. Also, all the rides are open so no one will have the room doubt our awesomeness.
I have shared this idea with some of my fellow Disneyland fans and they all think it can’t be done. Now I am more fired up about this than ever.
I am currently working on the plan for this challenge, which I will share here soon. We will also be documenting all this with pictures and videos that I will share here after. You can also follow me on Twitter www.twitter.com/jessicachenow.
Once again, I am not crazy.
Ok maybe a little crazy. J
-
Reasons I Should Work for Oprah: #2
I can handle high-pressure situations.
You may not think it but live morning radio is full of heart-racing pressure. Guests are late, information is missing, news is breaking. The worst is when all the equipment goes out. No audio, no show.
One morning said disaster happened. No computer, no music, no commercials, no show. There was an hour of “we’ll get it fixed in time to go live” before it was decided that there was no fixing it. But we have a back-up studio and system, about 20 minutes away. The show had started.
I ran and I don’t run.
Jumped in my car and drove as fast as I could to the other part of town to a back-up studio that should be working. Keyword here is “should” because it had been left dormant for so long that for all I knew not everything there could be working either.
To top it off I was trying a new bra that morning which was digging into my back. Nothing makes a situation more difficult than an uncomfortable bra.
Luckily everything is working and it turns into one of the best and most talked about shows we had ever done. I was annoyed with the equipment failure but happy with how it all turned out.
That’s just one example of the crazy high-pressure situations I have lived through to tell tale. I will handle whatever you can throw at me.
